The Book of Revelation, often simply known as Revelation, or by a number of variants expanding upon its authorship or subject matter, is the final book of the New Testament and occupies a central part in Christian eschatology. Written in Koine Greek, its title is derived from the first word of the text, apokalypsis, meaning “unveiling” or “revelation”. The author of the work identifies himself in the text as “John” and says that he was on Patmos, an island in the Aegean, when he “heard a great voice” instructing him to write the book……….

I am never sure what I am going to lead with when I write. I usually lay in bed thinking about it, outlining exactly what I would say if I could say it all. If there was only time to lay it out neatly, exactly to the point, with answers. The book can be that, my blog is life.

Yesterday I spent nearly eight hours writing about success. I wrote instead of working on my business, instead of trying to make money, which I will need when it is time to move. The pull was just too strong, and so was the peace. I spent my time doing exactly what needed to be done for that day. My phone alerted me via text message, following up soon after with an email.

Society needs certain things from me,  and the pressure of that makes me neglect my little girl. If you all want to know what I want I will spell it out for you, I want my daughter to have a magic life. I want her to have a mother who is in the NOW. 

My house has been in foreclosure for well over a year now, with a short sale possibility IF the bank agrees. People ask me all the time, “You are still in your house Amber?? I thought you were losing it??”

Loss is a slow journey when you mix it with the infinite possibility of an endless future…..

Eckhart Tolle had TWO YEARS on his park bench, TWO YEARS to find himself within the universe. He went on to write “The Power of NOW”  I wonder what he would say about my rubber rooster, the famed twenty inch cock. It’s no where near as absurd as a park bench. Where is the character in that, or the color.

My first husband is one of the greatest loves I have ever known. We had seventeen years together before I found myself crying uncontrollably on the bathroom floor, much like Julia Roberts in “Eat, Pray, Love.” Except that is not how it happened at all. I was so numb I couldn’t feel my own pulse, and I was so fat I no longer recognized my own face. I also had a daughter to think of, the afterbirth of a love not aborted. She was more than a consideration, she was a tether bound to my soul, a connection so intertwined that she became my birthday, a reminder that my life has a purpose. My daughter was born on my 25th birthday, after five years of trying.

25 is the smallest aspiring number — a composite non-sociable number whose aliquot sequence does not terminate.

• In Ezekiel‘s vision of a new temple: The number twenty-five is of cardinal importance in Ezekiel‘s Temple Vision (in the Bible,Ezekiel chapters 40-48).

• In The Book of Revelation‘s New International Version (©1984)

“Surrounding the throne were twenty-four other thrones, and seated on them were twenty-four elders. They were dressed in white and had crowns of gold on their heads.”^[1] Which means that there were 25 thrones.

I named my daughter SAPPHIRE RAIN because her life was meant to make an impression in this world; not forgotten. She will carry on my message when I am gone. I will die at the end of this journey. Amber: the smallest fleck of the past, frozen as it was, in sap the color of gold. Sapphire: the sky opening up to wash the world clean with rain….. The rain is here…..

I could not read either book;  I only read the prologue of “The Power of Now” before I was revolted. I made it through the first part of “Eat, Pray, Love,” but I couldn’t bring myself to move into the second part. Ricardo and I went to see the movie together. We walked out of the theater before the second continent; he was baffled, and I was sure. I was incensed, “That movie is absolute bulls*t!! She never really loved the first guy, the one she was so tragically broken over, if she had she would have just said, “Hey honey… I am not ready to procreate a white picket fence. Can’t we just travel for awhile??”

I didn’t know it as we walked out of the theater; my life was about to take a similar course….

“Amber, I wish I could make you smile every day! But looks like the price to pay for having an open communication is to get shut down – twice in less than a week! It’s ok for you to express a sexual preference, but if I say something on top of what you said, then I get disconnected for three days, without even knowing the reason! Or if I say something that you already know and what that gentleman already told you several times, I’m the one getting switched off because I say it bluntly. I know that guy, because I used to be that guy

….. just out of a divorce and wanting nothing but to explore, enjoying the single life with no commitment and just screwing anything pretty that walks on two legs! I can assure you that he had and still has five other “projects” in parallel with you, while he was chasing you. Sometimes I still feel that I’m that guy …. why bother, why would I want to be in LOVE, why would I want to commit myself to one woman only, why would I want to go through all the troubles of living with a person or take responsibility for someone else’s child  

….. why all that, when there’s an ocean of fish out there who are looking to have a good time, and happy with a nice cock to ride on who can dine and wine and spoil them occasionally!     But then, a woman like you shows up who gives me hope about women-kind, and the possibility of a colorful life in its fullest with a partner.

 Amber, if you’re making yourself available, then be fair to yourself and the men, specially guys like me who genuinely trying to pursue you! If you are emotionally attached somewhere else, then don’t give out your god damn number, don’t reply back to people who are trying to contact you … not until you have figured things out for yourself, cleaned the house, and are ready to play on fair terms. Honestly, do you think it’s fun for a man to repeatedly hear that you really like someone else when he is serious enough about you to plan a trip to your city! How do you think it makes me feel, after coming back exhausted traveling to two different continents in several meetings, spending 12 hours on the flight from Hong Kong to LA, jumping straight on another one from LA to Seattle and then hearing you saying, oh by the way I really like someone else!!! How stupid do you think I’d feel to know that I’m in a limbo pending one text message from another guy who could turn you running there to him! Be fair and say no to plans until you get your situation sorted out!   

 

I would have not cared if it was just sex you had with some random guy, but seriously, you’d be wasting your time and others when joggling with a few guys at the same time! I have sex with a very hot chick right here, but I’d drop it in a blink of a second when and if I am with the right woman, even though she may be 1676 miles away!  You say, you’re looking for a man who can romance you, gives you attention, someone who leads, someone fun/adventurous/healthy/physical/dominant, someone who knows exactly what he wants, and of equal importance understands that 1+1 = 3 or in fact 4 in our case, and yet when he comes along, you get a panic attack and look for any possible little excuse to push him away!!! 

 

You’re going through a lot babe and frankly, if I were you, I’d just take the time off – even if it just a few weeks or a few months – to heal and recover instead of trying to find love immediately. If you’re looking for casual encounters, then that’s a different story and not what’s reflected in your profile, nor something I deduced from our conversations.

You lived with someone for 17 years who was not a charge taker, but you need to understand and accept that there are strong personality men who, while wanting you as an equal, would not let you to wear the pants in the house as you did for 17 years. You switch me off as soon as the conversation gets heated up a bit, because that’s a lot easier than dealing with a man who stands for himself when he’s right and wants things the right way, not necessarily your way.  

Planning the trip to Seattle was actually a mistake and would have been too early! I realized that while we were still talking on the phone and the discussion swung back to him. And babe, I was not surprised at all to see that last text message popping on my screen either, because that seems to be the way you deal with any minor discomfort as oppose to what you state in your bio, ‘ I work in dialogue, communication is everything to me, so I need to find a man who enjoys conversation’.       

 

You’re a mess!  And yet, I wanted you to be my mess!

 

You know how I feel about you! I care, and that’s why I wrote. My blog

 

Off to the airport …. you have a great day and hope to hear from you. If not, all I wish for you is te best of luck.

 

R~

The man who wrote the email above told me he loved me on the first day. He should love me, I agree…. People love me in an instant, most if not all.

I also have zero interest in dating him; he is right. My emotions are invested elsewhere.  I am currently emotionally attached to a man who I adore, and he is not ready to be unbroken. I am not broken, so I’m moving on. My heart is still with him, so I’m content to linger in the idea of what we could have been together.  He would have built the most fabulous studio…. a craftman for sure; I would help his children recover from the fear that they would never know the love of an intact family because I would include them as my own just as I would love their mother. I know the fear she carries in her heart for them. I would want her close. I know nothing at all about boys, and heaven help me with my own daughter. She has my spirit…..

I do not not need another man to take responsibility of my child. I need him to grant her father full access because she is HIS, just as she is MINE. I will not live any life that will deny him that privileged.  That is the vow of marriage past mortal law. Children should have both parents, and the weaker should hold them all, in LOVE, in FAMILY.

I am only a hot mess if you step in me, unaware of my depth. The man who swears he loves me wanted to f*ck me in the ass. That was the sexual preference he claims lost him my favor by rejection. Yes, I was offended that he wrote to me that way. I am lady and I suppose I blurred the line in my flirtation, but his….

I am most offended by the fact that he does not know me at all. My sexual desires are private, though I do write about fantasy. Yes, I want a dominate man, a leader, a king among men. I want a man to lead my household as the head of it, knowing that I was meant to bend, not break. I go out into the world each day with the plan to change it with love; I give 100% of my energy back to the world in kindness and consideration. I don’t fall asleep at night. I drop. My husband is only meant to catch me, putting me right so I am ready for the next day, more love. I was put here for that. A woman is the love of family and all good things are born from that. The sin was not that Eve ate the apple, it’s that she wanted what Adam could not give her, and they were so torn apart from wanting. God provides.

I am single, with absolutely ZERO romantic interests, but I am no longer available to date. I occurred to me that HOOKERS look for dates, “Hey baby… Wanna date??”

I already took my dating profiles down, all except one. I am leaving up my millionaire match account because the internet is my divine energy. I am going to keep telling the universe what I want until I get it. I am worth millions and so is my mate. The value of our union is insurmountable because the only thing required is LOVE.

If you are single and MALE (I am not searching for a feminine) you are more than welcome in my life, through friendship. I will not correspond with married or attached men on any level that is personal, unless love has castrated you and then please, bring your wife to dinner :):)  If you write to me please know that I might post is publicly.

I know my own purpose, respectfully. I am attached to my core, my daughter. She is light and focus. My love story???? I’ve said it before, I am writing the greatest love story that was ever written. Fairy tales are real. You just have to believe….

HOW TO SUCCEED BY HATING YOURSELF